SUPER BOWL!

I suppose it’s time I broke down Super bowl 40. Motor city madness might just be appropriate for a change, for this game should indeed be a drop down drag out street fight to the finish. There aren’t a lot of secrets here, both teams are consistent in what they want to do on both sides of the football, and both clubs won’t stop doing it until their opponents give in to it. Two major factors will influence the outcome of this world championship. The Seahawks linebackers and secondary will have to hold stronger than usual without the aid of a tremendous pass rush. The Pittsburgh offensive line is outstanding, and that passing game has been as smooth as silk in these playoffs. Ben Roethlisberger may not have a Marvin Harrison at his disposal but he certainly has a bevy of sure handed reliable targets; Hines Ward, Heath Miller, Antwaan Randle El and last weeks stud performer Cedric Wilson. Naturally the Steelers would just assume run the football, but that will be hard to force until the fourth quarter. On the other side of the ball Seattle will also have their work cut out for them trying to get their ground game going, but the league MVP is patient gaining most of his yardage in the second half of ball games. It will be Seattle’s ability to pass protect and pick up blitz packages that could make the big difference. Matt Hasselbeck can pick a defense apart if he gets enough time, which he almost always does. If not Hasselbeck can also escape and make a few plays on his own, I’m not saying he Michael Vick but he can do some damage on the edge and buy some time. We know “Big” Ben can scramble but it doesn’t have as big an impact because Seattle’s offensive line is so dominant at pass protection missing those rare opportunities to sack Hasselbeck is twice as deflating. Although I believe the Steelers will be misguided to try and pass rush via heavy blitz packages, if they can’t get there in time the Hawks will unload intermediate passes to their sure handed receivers Bobby Engram and Joe Jeruvicius. If you’re looking for a dark horse candidate to play hero for Seattle, look no further than Jurevicius. If you want the real hero look no further than the Steelers Troy Polamalu. This freakish athlete give Pittsburgh a huge edge in defending the intermediate passing game that Seattle make their living with. Troy can play up close to line of scrimmage to watch for Shaun Alexander and still have the recovery speed to drop back into the mid ranged passing game the Hawks will try to use against the Steeler blitz. Both teams will have a tough time moving the ball early but the Steelers short, crisp passing game should mount them a lead, and in the fourth, and fittingly, the Bus will run rampant.

Who’s going to make a fool of themselves?
Every year a player does something ridiculous the week of the super bowl. Remember Atlanta’s NFL man of the year safety? Barret Robbins? The Bengals tailback? So far I think Joey Porter would have to be the front-runner, but I’m not big on that pick. A lot of people are talking about Roethlisberger running his mouth, but I don’t see him breaking the law, or picking up a prostitute or any such monkey business. The Seahawks have an offensive tackle by the name of Locklear that has been in trouble with law recently. The Seahawks tackle will reportedly face charges for beating his girl friend after the season. The candidate I’m really looking for must be both young, and in some way instrumental. It’s always an impact player, who is supposed to play a big part in their team’s championship chances. When the Falcons lost their safety Eugene Robinson the night before their super bowl against Denver, for soliciting sex. It was a deep vertical John Elway passing game that undid the Falcons. Likewise the Raiders center Barett Robbins who went coo-coo for coco puffs had a big job in helping to block the Buccaneers vicious front four. Cincinnati tailback Stanley Wilson overdosed the night before their game against SanFrancisco. When I look at these two teams one name jumps out at me, the Pittsburgh running back “fast” Willie Parker. Parker’s young, dumb, and important. Plus if Parker got himself into a jam, and couldn’t play in the big one he’d be giving us what we all really want anyways. The “Bus.” Naturally this is only guesswork, so send me your best guess. You tell me, who’s going to play the fool this week in Detroit????????

The 100 greatest songs of all time!

(above) Look at that crazy SOB in the Tux!


The 100 greatest songs of all time! Let me prelude this little list by telling you that this was by no means a small undertaking, nor did I take the ranking of these tunes lightly. I sifted through countless mounds of CD’s, records, and the Internet and left no stone unturned in my quest not to forget anything. Naturally there will be disagreements, but let me explain a little bit about my methods, and what I used to qualify a “great” song. My own personnel tastes naturally play a role in all of this, I love music that is different and creative. I absolute detest hallmark drivel. I like songs that are written from unique angles, and creative perspectives. I also considered music that changed music, musicians, and styles that redefined their generation or genera. Last but not least, music that sticks in our heads. Songs that are played on the radio constantly, and always pop up in movies or on T.V shows can’t be ignored. I did exclude special occasion music like White Christmas or Proud to be an American, which are great songs, but that’s a different list. That said here we go….

100) Bent by Matchbox 20. Year: 2000 Album: Mad Season Label: Atlantic Among the most recent songs on this list. Matchbox has a great sound, with great writing.
99) Bad Medicine by Bon Jovi. Year:1986 Album: Cross Roads Label: Polygram
98) Too Much Tim on my Hands by Styx. Year: 1980 Album: Paradise Theatre Label: A &M super cool song, everyone knows people like this.
97) Smugglers Blues by Glen Fry. Year: 1984 Album: The All nighter Label: MCA 80’s drugs, Miami Vice…come on.
96) Kiss From a Rose by Seal Year: 1994 album: Seal (2nd album) Label: Warner Brother and others. Beautiful and underrated song.
95) Private Eyes by Hall and Oats Year: 1981 Album: Private Eyes Label: BMG
94) Respect by Aretha Franklin Year: 1969 Album: Aretha’s Gold Label: Rhino
93) Proud Mary by Credence Clearwater Revival. Year: 1968 Album: Credence Clearwater Revival Label: Fantasy
92) Good Golly Miss Molly by Little Richard. Year: 1957 Album and Label: Unknown
91) Push by Matchbox 20. Year 1996 Album: Yourself or Someone Like You Label: Lava This group has a chance to really be special if Rob Thomas stops making bad solo albums. I guess he’s not the good writer of the group.
90) Life on Mars by David Bowie. Year: 1971 Album: Hunky Dory Label: Virgin America.
89) Same Old Lang Syne by Dan Fogelberg. Year: 1981 Album: The Innocent Age Label: Epic All his vocals are outstanding and this classic is no exception.
88) Sister Christian by Night Ranger Year: 1983 Album: Midnight Madness Label: MCA this is the definitive Night Ranger song, but this group had several songs that could have been on this list.
87) She’s a Beauty by The Tubes. Year: 1983 Album: Outside Inside Label: Capitol often mislabeled as one in a million girls.
86) Mandolin Rain by Bruce Hornsby. Year: 1986 Album: The Way it is. Label: RCA. Writes a beautiful song when he’s not trying to save the world.
85) The Great Beyond. By R.E. M. Year: 2000. Album: Man on the Moon Soundtrack. Label: Warner Brothers. A brilliant and subtle tribute to Andy Kaufman.
84) 867-5309 (Jenny) by Tommy Tuntone. Year: 1981. Album: Tommy Tuntone 2. Label: Columbia. How many times has this song been stuck in your head, good lord!
83) The Power of Love by Huey Lewis and the News. Year: 1985. Album: Back to the Future Soundtrack. Label: unknown.
82) Believe it or Not by Joe Scarbury. Year: 1981. Album: America’s Greatest Hero. Label: Rhino/Electra. This was the theme song for Greatest American Hero the T.V show, a pretty funny one too.
81) Hit me with your Best Shot by Pat Benatar. Year: 1980. Album: Crimes of Passion. Label: Chrysalis. Often gets lost in discussions of great 80’s music, but she had a ton of good songs.
80) Once in a Lifetime by The Talking Heads. Year: 1984. Album: Stop Making Sense. Label: Sire. You may ask yourself, what was that beautiful song?
79) Keepin The Faith by Billy Joel. Year: 1983. Album: Innocent Man. Label: Columbia. Maybe no one artist has ever done so many good things with so many different genera’s. Unparalleled talent.
78) Any Way You Want It by Journey. Year: 1981. Album: Captured. Label: Columbia.
77) Dock of the Bay by Otis Redding. Year: 1968. Album: The Dock of the Bay. Label: Atlantic. Amazing Vocal.
76) Wildest Dreams by Moody Blues. Year: 1986. Album: The Other Side of Life. Label: Polydor/Thershold.
75) Love in an Elevator by Aerosmith. Year: 1989. Album: Pump. Label: Geffen. Pump is one of the greatest rock and roll albums of all time. Tail to tail great songs.
74) Roll With the Changes by Reo Speed wagon. Year: 1978. Album: You can Tune a Piano but you can’t Tune a Fish. Label: Epic.
73) Take me Home Tonight by Eddie Money. Year: 1986. Album: Can’t Hold Back. Label: Columbia. Under appreciated artist. Not a lot of great songs, but a hell of a lot of good ones.
72) Every Breath You Take by The Police. Year: 1983. Album: Synchronicity. Label: A &M.
71) Photograph by Def Leopard. Year: 1983. Album: Pyromania. Label: Mercury. Had a nice sound for having a one armed drummer. That’s loyalty!
70) Look Away by Chicago. Year: 1982. Album: Love Songs. Label: Rhino.
69) We Built this City by Starship. Year: 1985. Album: Knee Deep in the Hoopla. Label: RCA. Gotta love that traffic report.
68) Good Night Saigon by Billy Joel. Year: 1982. Album: The Nylon Curtain. Label: Columbia. The most brilliant and stirring Vietnam tribute of all time.
67) Centerfold by J. Giles Band. Year: 1981. Album: Freeze-Frame. Label: EMI America. My Blood runs cold…is any song as recognizable in the first 3 seconds?
66) Here I Go Again by White snake. Year: 1982. Album: Saints and Snakes. Label: EMI.
65) 100 Years by Five for Fighting. Year: 2004. Album: The Battle for Everything. Label: Columbia. This is the most Recent song to make this list.
64) Butterfly Kisses by Bob Carlisle. Year: 1997. Album: Butterfly Kisses and Bedtime Stories. Label: Diadem. Never to be heard from again, the definition of one hit wonder. What a beautiful song though.
63) The Waiting by Tom Petty. Year: 1981. Album: Hard Promises. Label: MCA. A great artist, Tom Petty also fought hard to keep the unit cost of his albums down. At the time he thought $9.99 was too much, and threatened to leave his label if it wasn’t reduced to $8.
62) Welcome to the Jungle by Guns n’ Roses. Year: 1987. Album: Appetite for Destruction. Label: Geffen. Played at every sports stadium in the world.
61) Blue Collar Man by Styx. Year: 1978. Album: Pieces of Eight. Label: A&M. Truly one of the greatest bands of all time, vocals and music.
60) Like a Prayer by Madonna. Year: 1989. Album: Like a Prayer. Label: Sire. Good very rarely meets controversial, when it does It’s something special.
59) Man in Motion by John Parr. Year: 1985. Album: St. Elmo’s fire Soundtrack. Label: Atlantic.
58) Rock you like a Hurricane by The Scorpions. Year: 1984. Album: Love at First Sting. Label: Mercury. Great rock and Roll.
57) Africa by Toto. Year: 1982. Album: Toto IV. Label: CBS.
56) Eye of the Tiger by Survivor. Year: 1982. Album: Eye of the Tiger. Label: Volcano. Yo Adrian!
55) Video Killed the Radio Star by The President of the United States. Year: 1998. Album: Pure Frosting. Label: Columbia. The video for this song was hilarious.
54) Sometimes When We Touch by Dan Hill. Year: 1977. Album and Label: Unknown. Really brilliant song
53) Glory of Love by Peter Cetera. Year: 1986. Album: Solitude and Solitaire. Label: Warner Brothers. There is life after Chicago Mr. Miage.
52) Foreplay/longtime by Boston. Year: 1976. Album: Boston. Label: Epic. So many great hits, they could have their own list.
51) All Out of Love by Air Supply. Year: 1980. Album: Lost in Love. Label: Arista
50) Come To My Window by Melissa Etheridge. Year: 1994. Album: Come to my Window. Label: Island. Great love song, who would have thought she was singing to Ellen Degeneres.
49) Queen of Hearts by Juice Newton. Year: 1981. Album: Juice. Label: One Way. One of few crossover success stories. Juice was primarily a country and western singer.
48) You Can Do Magic by America. Year: 1982. Album: Views From the Ground. Label: unknown.
47) Bat Out Of Hell by Meat Loaf. Year: 1977. Album: Bat Out Of Hell. Label: Epic. To say that this rock was ahead of its time would be a mammoth understatement.
46) Stop in the Name of Love by Diana Ross and the Supremes. Year: 1965. Album and Label: unknown.
45) (I can’t get no) Satisfaction by The Rolling Stones. Year: 1965. Album and Label: Unknown. You’ll see them at the super bowl this year, but now they look more like the California Raisins than anything else.
44) The Wanderer by Dion. Year: 1960. Album: King of the New York Streets. Label: Right Stuff.
43) Let’s Twist Again by Chubby Checker. Year: 1961. Album: Let’s Twist. Label: unknown. No, not the one with the Fat Boys.
42) It’s All Coming Back to Me by Celine Dion. Year: 1996. Album: Falling into You. Label: Columbia. This song was written by Jim Steinman who wrote both Bat out of Hell Albums for Meatloaf.
41) Yankee Rose by Davis Lee Roth. Year: 1986. Album: Eat em’ and Smile. Label: Warner Brothers. Awesome Rock!
40) Born To Be Wild by Steppenwolf. Year: 1968. Album: SteppenWolf. Label: Geffen.
39) Silhouettes by The Rays. Year, Album, and Label: Unknown. Great imaginative song.
38) California Girls by The Beach boys. Year: 1980. Album: California Girls. Label: Capitol. I wasn’t a big fan, but enough people were to give them their due.
37) Nobody’s Perfect by Mike and the Mechanics. Year: 1988. Album: Living Years. Label: Atlantic. Not many people have heard this song, but they should.
36) Don’t Stand So Close To Me by The Police. Year: 1980. Album: Zenyatta Mondatta. Label: A&M.
35) My Thanksgiving by Don Henley. Year: 2000. Album: Inside Job. Label: Warner Brothers. If you haven’t heard this, do so. I’m warning you bonehead out there it’s active listening!
34) Drift Away by Doobie Gray. Year: 1973. Album: Drift Away. Label: MCA. Anything that gets copied as many times as this has been copied is good.
33) Second Chance by .38 Special. Year: 1998. Album: Rock N’ Roll Strategy. Label: A&M
32) Juke Box Hero by Foreigner. Year: 1981. Album: 4. Label: Atlantic. This could have easily been Hot Blooded.
31) Glory Days by Bruce Springstein. Year: 1984. Album: Born in the USA. Label: Warner Brothers. It takes talent to make a great song about something other than love.
30) Ain’t Talkin Bout Love by Van Halen. Year: 1978. Album: Van Halen. Label: Warner Brothers. Only Eddie Van Halen can make a rock song this good. Not just noise, calculated and brilliant.
29) Purple Haze by Jimi Hendrix. Year: 1967. Album and Label: Unknown. Paved the way for our friend Eddie.
28) I will always Love You by Whitney Houston. Year: 1992. Album: The Body Guard Soundtrack. Label: Arista. I usually like my love songs more creative than this but the vocal is so powerful, and unbelievable that it cannot be denied.
27) Dreams by Van Halen. Year: 1986. Album: 5150. Label: Warner Brothers. Are any other musicians talented enough to survive a change of lead singers?
26) Unforgettable by Nat King Cole. Year: 1952. Album: Penthouse Serenade. Label: Capitol Jazz.
25) One More Night by Phil Collins. Year: 1985. Album: No Jacket Required. Label: WEA.
24) Old Time Rock and Roll by Bob Seger. Year: 1978. Album: Stranger in Town. Label: Capitol. Who could forget Risky Business? Of course that was before Tom Cruise went totally loco.
23) Jail House Rock by Elvis Presley. Year: 1956. Album and Label: Unknown.
22) The End of the Innocence by Don Henley. Year: 1989. Album: The End of the Innocence. Label: Geffen.
21) The Flame by Cheap Trick. Year: 1988. Album: Lap of Luxury. Label: Epic.
20) Great Balls of Fire by Jerry Lee Lewis. Year: 1956. Album and Label: Unknown. The first to use rock piano.
19) You’ve Lost that Loving Feeling by The Righteous Brothers. Year: 1968. Label: Specter. Album: Unknown.
18) Brown eyed Girl by Van Morrison. Year: 1967. Album: Blowin Your Mind. Label: Epic/Legacy. How many times have you heard this song, and it almost wasn’t. Van Morrison originally wrote ‘Brown Skinned Girl’ which was changed dramatically because no one would use it.
17) Earth Angel by The Penguins. Year: 1954. Album: Earth Angel. Label: ACE.
16) Summer of 69 by Bryan Adams. Year: 1985. Album: Reckless. Label: A&M.
15) Tiny Dancer by Elton John. Year: 1971. Album: Madman Across the Water. Label: ocket. This is another artist that could have a list to himself. Lots of great songs, but to me Tiny Dancer is the best.
14) Jack and Diane by John Cougar Melloncamp. Year: 1982. Album: American Fool. Label: Riva. A little ditty… well you know.
13) Oh Pretty Woman by Roy Orbison. Year: 1964. Album and Label: Unknown. Also remade pretty well by Van Halen.
12) True Companion by Marc Cohn. Year: 1991. Album: Marc Cohn. Label: Atlantic.
Sadly only Walking in Memphis really gained popularity from this great album.
11) What a Wonderful World by Louis Armstrong. Year: 1968. Album: Hello Dolly. Label: Unknown. Another tremendous vocal, a pioneer in his genre.
10) Johnny B Goode by Chuck Berry. Year: 1959. Album: Chuck Berry is on Top. Label: Unknown. Among the first artists to see the electric guitar as the star of the show.
9) Paradise By The Dashboard Light by Meatloaf. Year: 1977. Album: Bat Out of Hell. Label: Epic. You never heard anything like it. Theatre meet Rock and Roll.
8) In Your Eyes by Peter Gabriel. Year: 1986. Album: So. Label: Geffen. John Cusack with that boom box over his head, you remember.
7) Fast Car by Tracy Chapman. Year: 1988. Album: Tracy Chapman. Label: Elektra. Unbelievable song, extraordinarily written and performed.
6) Sweet Caroline by Neil Diamond. Year: 1969. Album: Sweet Caroline: Brother love Sweet Salvation. Label: MCA. This is probably a little high, I’m not a big fan of Diamonds but I can’t deny this songs popularity.
5) Carry on My Wayward Son by Kansas. Year: 1976. Album: Leftoverture. Label: Epic. This is an epic, epic song with unbelievable musicians.
4) Unchained Melody by The Righteous Brothers. Year: 1965. Album: Unknown. Label: Specter.
3) Scenes From an Italian Restaurant by Billy Joel. Year: 1977. Album: The Stranger. Label: CBS. See Ballads can be upbeat and fun.
2) Making Love Out Of Nothing At All by Air Supply. Year: 1983. Album: Greatest Hits. Label: Arista. This brilliant song was also written by Jim Steinman.

1. For Crying Out Loud by Meatloaf. Year: 1977. Album: Bat Out of Hell. Label: Epic. Simply the greatest song ever performed. Touching, great vocals, and the amazing lyrics written by Jim Steinman.

Honorable mention: Crazy Train by Ozzy Osbourne. Angel of the Morning by Juice Newton. A Matter of Trust by Billy Joel. Snowblind by Styx. Play the Game tonight by Kansas. Leningrad by Billy Joel. Run for the Roses by Dan Fogelberg. Everything is different now by Don Henley. The best of both worlds by Vah Halen.

Ugly Girls Continue to Dominate Women's Tennis

(left) Jack Nicholson wins a Grand Slam!




(Top picture) "What me worry?")

Although Amelie Mauresmo is SLIGHTLY easier on the eyes than some former grand slam champions, she is still pretty dam butch. It’s not much of a compliment anyway considering that Martina Navartilova looks like she drove a motorcycle face first into a bridge abutment. Can we please get some pretty young ladies to take off the long earrings and play some competitive tennis!! It didn’t matter who won yesterday, Justine Henin-Hardenne has a mug on her like Alfred E. Neuman. The real losers here are the racket companies. How is Head, Wilson, or Prince supposed to market their products to the youth of America? “Hey little girl, don’t you want to grow up to be like that ugly lesbian over there?” It’s a lost cause, especially for Head. I suppose it’s the media’s fault, every time a women’s player looks even half way human we convince her she’s a supermodel and that the last time she plays good tennis. The situation is so dire we look at the Williams sisters like they are cute, they aren’t. They are a Mohawk away from looking like Mr. T only more freakishly strong.

The 30 hottest women of James Bond!

The world of 007 has many unique aspects that men find alluring. Cool cars, martini's, gadgets, danger, guns and of course a buffet of babes. I didn't really have any particular set of rules when ranking the women, although I tried to give more consideration to women who had the larger roles in the films. There are villains as well as allies amoung the thirty, I hope we can agree on the top 10 at least.

1) Denise Richards as Dr. Christmas Jones . The World is Not Enough. No words can add to her photo, just ridiculous!

Quote- Chirstmas Jones: "The world's greatest terrorist running around with six kilos of weapons grade plutoniumCan't be good. I gotta get it back or someones gonna have my ass."
James Bond: "First things first."

2)Halle Berry as Jinx. Die Another Day. Hot, hot, hot.

Quote-Miranda Frost: "I take it Mr. Bonds been explaining his big bang theory?"
Jinx: "Oh yeah, I think I got the thrust of it."

3)Tanya Roberts as Stacey Sutton. A View to a Kill. An incredible gaze, haunting eyes.

Quote-James Bond: "I'm English"
Stacey Sutton: "I never would have guessed."

4)Honor Blackman as pussy Galore. Goldfinger. How can we not pay hommage to the first of the playful names, probably the least subtle too.

Quote-Pussy Galore: "My name is Pussy Galore."
James Bond: "I must be dreaming."

5)Ursula Andress as Honey Rider. Dr. No. The beach scene, who could forget.

Quote-Honey Rider: "I put a black widdow spider underneath his mousquito net...a female, they're the worst. It took him a whole week to die. Did I do Wrong?"
James Bond: "Well, it wouldn't do to make a habit of it."

6)Claudine Auger as Dominique 'Domino' Derval. Thunderball. Sticks out in a film filled to the brim with babes, even for a Bond movie.

Quote-Domino: "How do you know my friends call me Domino?"
James Bond: "It's on the bracelet on your ankle."
Domino: "So....What sharp little eyes you've got."
James Bond: "Wait till you get to my teeth."

7)Famke Janssen as Xenia Onatopp. GoldenEye. Has murder ever been so hot as when Onatopp strangles someone with her thighs.

Quote-Xenia Onatopp: "You don't need the gun."
James Bond: "That depends on your defenition of safe sex."

8)Luciana Paluzzi as Fiona Valpe. Thunderball. also Sticks out in a film littered with babes, maybe its the underwater scenes.

Quote-James Bond: "What I did this evening was for Queen and country."
Fiona Valpe: "But of course, I forgot your ego, Mr. Bond. James Bond, the one where he has to make love to a woman, and she starts to hear heavanly choirs singing. She repents, and turns to the side of right and virtue...[she stomps on Bonds foot]..but not this one!"

9)Sophie Marceau as Elektra King. The World is not Enough. Stunning but overshadowed by Denise Richards.

Quote-Elektra King: "You would'nt kill me, you'd miss me."
James Bond: [Bond shoot King] "I never miss."

10)Barbara Bach as Major Anya Amasova. The Spy who Loved me. Those little yellow uniforms are not one size fits all.

Quote-Anya Amasova: "Every woman for herself, remember?"
James Bond: "Still, you did save my life."
Anya Amasova: "We all make mistakes, Mr. Bond."

11)Britt Ekland as Mary Goodnight. The Man with the Golden Gun. Gorgeous but plagued with a bad smile.

Quote-James Bond: "Goodnight! Where are the car keys."
Goodnight: [from inside a car trunk] "oh, I've got the keys."

12)Jane Seymour as Solitaire. Live and Let Die. The role doesn't let her show off that bod, but what a face. You may have seen her recently in wedding crashers.

Quote-[Bond picks 'the fool' out of Solitaires deck of cards]
Solitaire: "You have found yourself."

13)Rosamund Pike as Miranda Frost. Die Another Day. Played a nice part in addition to being gorgeous, good villain.

Quote-Miranda Frosy: "This is crazy, you're a double o."
James Bond: "It's only a number." [Bond gets into bed with Frost]

14)Lana Wood as Plenty O' Toole. Diamonds are Forever. Small part, but nothing small about those parts!

Quote-[James Bond rolling dice]
Plent O' Toole: "You handle those cubes like a monkey handles coconuts."

15)Caroline Munro as Naomi. The Spy Who Loved Me.

16)Mayam D' Abo as Kara Milovy. The Living Daylights. Gotta love those sexy accents.

Quote-[Bond and Milovy snow-slide through customs on a cello case]
James Bond: [yelling] "We have nothing to declare"
Kara Milovy [yelling] "Except a cello"

17)Teri Hatcher as Paris Carver. Tommarow Never Dies. If we are to believe Bond once fell for her, then she is one of the hottest women ever.

Quote-Paris Carver: "I used to look in the papers every day for your obituary."
James Bond: "Sorry to disappoint."

18)Louis Chile as Dr. Holly Goodhead. Moonraker. maybe Pussy Galore wasn't the least subtle.

Quote-Holly Goodhead: "This evening I'm giving my address."
James Bond: "Then you can't think of a reason why we can't go out for drinks afterwards?"
Holly Goodhead: "Not immediately, but I'm sure I shall."

19)Carole Bouquet as Melina Havelock. For You're Eyesd Only. Beauitful scenery in this film, the locations were well chosen also.

Quote-James Bond: The Chineese have a saying. Before setting off on revenge, you first dig two graves."
Melina Havelock: "I don't expect you to understand, you're English. I'm half Greek amd Greek women like Elektra always avenge their loved ones!"

20)Kristins Wayborn as Magda. Octopussy. okay, okay maybe there aren't any subtleties.

Quote-Magda: "He suggests a trade. The egg for your life."
James Bond: "Well, I heard the price of eggs was up, but isn't that a little high?"

21)Talissa Soto as Lupe Lamor. License to Kill. Short hair is an injustice to her, as it is to every girl who tries it.

Quote-Lupe Lamore: "Don't you men know any other way?"
James Bond: "It's Sanchez's way! You seem to like it."

22)Tania Mallet as Tilly Masterson. Goldfinger.

23)Karin Dor as Helga Brandt. You Only Live Twice. You should never send a beauitful woman to assainate Bond.

Quote-Hekga Brandt: "I've got you now."
James Bond: "Well, enjoy yourself."

24)Maud Adams as Octopussy. Octopussy. Maud is also a Bond girl in The Man With the Golden Gun.

Quote-Octopussy: "I wishj you weren't in such a weakened condition."
[Bond releases himself from traction]
Octopussy: "Oh, James."

25)Izabell Scorupco as Natalya Fyodorovana Semyonova. GoldenEye. That name is a mouth full it's pitty she isn't or that pretty face would be higher on this list.

Quote-James Bond: You Ready?"
Natalya Semyonova: "I'm not getting on a helicoptor with you. No plane. No Train. Nothing that moves!"

26)Shrily Eaton as Jill Masterson. Goldfinger. She didn't have a lot to say, but it was probably for the best.

27)Mary Stiven as Kimberly Jones. A View to a Kill. She only appears in the pre-adventure, but you wont forget that figure.

Quote-Kimberly Jones: "Commander Bond!"
James Bond: "Call me James. It's five days until Alaska."

28)Emily Bolton as Manuela. Moonraker. Gorgeous and helpless, good combo.

Quote-James Bond: "How do you kill five hours in Rio if you don't somba?"

29)Diana Rigg as Contessa Teressa 'Tracy' Di Vincenzo . n Her Majestys Secret Service.

Quote-Tracy: "Your hurting me."
James Bond: "I thought that was the idea for tonight?"

30)Daniela Bianchi as Tatiana Romanova. From Russia with Love. She has a foriegn accent, too bad russian is such an ugly language.

Quote-Tatiana Romanova: "Suppose I decline to accept it?"
Bad guy: "Then you will not leave this room alive."
Tatiana Romanova: "I shall give it due consideration, then."

Drinking games for television

The next time your sitting around with your friends trying to invent new ways to get Ted Kennedy drunk, try this on for size. Watch an episode of CSI Miami, preferably season one and two, but any will do. Every time David Caruso whips off his sunglasses at a pivotal moment in the investigation you chug a beer, or cocktail of your choice. I promise you before the hour long show is over you'll be laughing so hard at the overly dramatic Caruso you'll have beer coming out of your nose.

A new beginning for Sharapova?

On the way up?



Monday night Maria Sharapova may have exercised some demons. Playing for the set and match against long time rival Nadia Petrova, Sharapova found herself down 40-love. In the past this is a situation Maria would not have found tenable. She has long been criticized for lacking a killer insticnt, or being able to put opponents away, but against Petrova she answered the bell. Battling back to gain the point, set and match Sharapova showed the kind of grit and determination her game has long been lacking. Curiously enough it was a match in which both players were described as having an off day. Playing sloppy tennis for most of the evening, both players were off of their game, but Sharapova just may have found a new level of play.

Funny Pictures

(above) Excuse me sir, can you direct me to the nearest Sizzler? Oh yeah, and take this official 'Bush sucks' autographed Michael Moore bib.

Senator Adolf Hitler

(left) go ahead and open up that palm, and lock those knees pal.



I don't care one way or another about Roe versus Wade, I don't have all of the answers. I do know that there are bigger fish to fry, than abortion laws. I really tire of hearing about it as if it were the only important issue for a judge, realistically abortion will be the least important matter in a judge's tenure.

When asked about voting against the confirmation of Samuel Alito, Charles Schumer said, "Samuel Alito has shown himself to be outside of the mainstream." Am I to believe that ideas that conflict with Schumer's are definitively wrong? Or that the mainstream is always emphatically right? I suppose the first German to say, "let's stop baking these jews," was wrong. He most certainly was outside of the mainstream. Charles Schumer's comments are disturbing, the last time I checked this was a democracy and no one set of ideas or beliefs is incorrect with absolute certainty. Schumer's vision of America is sounding more and more like Nazi Germany. It's also interesting that George W. Bush, the President of the United States, was elected by the majority of voting Americans while having beliefs outside the mainstream. Perhaps Schumer hasn't yet told Americans what they believe.

Ladies and gentlemen, coach Frankenstein.

Sorry Bills fans, we all know that this is not an improvement. Dick Jauron is the new face of the Buffalo bills, and that grin in the picture (left) is the last time you'll see this stoic boob have an actual expression on his face. unless, of course, you count utter confusion. Tired of having a bad coach with no experience the Bills turned to a man who is bad and has plenty of experience at it. Dick Jauron's tenure as the Bears head coach, included an attitude so stubborn that the Bears offense featured the absurd, pedestrian coordination of John Shoop till the bitter end. A change of Coordinators may have even saved his job, but he refused. Jauron even refused to start star middle linebacker Brian Urlacher until injury forced him into service, at which point it was clear Urlacher was the most talented player on the field, and his abscense to that point was mystifying. The old ball coach even refused to start Jim Miller until injury, even though it was clear to everyone on the planet he was the best QB on the roster. Miller went on to lead the Bears to their best record (13-3) since 1985. It is clear that Dick Jauron never has any clue what talent he has on his roster, nor does he have the guts to make moves when his team sorely needs one. I do not understand why teams make coaching changes that are lateral moves, at best.

GET A GRIP!

O-my God!

I was channel surfing today when I happened upon the Oprah Winfrey show and realized the true meaning of self improtant. Oprah was in the midst of a two part special on terrorist attacks. This twit was having a round table "discussion" on issues ranging from 9/11 to the war in Iraq. Oprah actually said "global positioning" while gesticulating a tiny world with her hands. Has this high class Jerry Springer actually become so self-absorbed that she thinks anyone cares what she thinks about Afhganistan? Does she realise that her uneducated, out of work, trailer park, bed ridden audience isn't capable of grasping issues any more complex than the Brad Pitt versus Jennifer Aniston saga? The Oprah show is important to world news like the muppets Statler and Waldorf is important to the Oscars. This riveting Opah show was complete with the thoughts of Bill Clinton, courtesy of a taped video. I know I'm a layman, but since Clinton doesn't currently hold any public office of any kind, and has virtually no important influence over the current issues at hand, I find his appearance to be fittingly absurd. Give ua all a break a go back to selling bubble gum Oprah!

Steelers make history!

Pittsburgh became the first team in NFL history to enter the playoffs as a wild card and defeat the third, second and first seeded teams all on the road in order to advance to the Super-Bowl. The difficult and seemingly impossible path the Steelers took doesn't leave much doubt about the fact that they deserve to be in the big dance. More suprising than the victories was the play of "big" Ben Roethlisberger. The Steelers tough signal caller has transformed from someone who steers the ship to someone who flat out wins games with his big arm, and heady play. Number seven exposed a Bronco's defense who is stout against the run, but needs a lot of extra bodies to rush the passes. Cedric Wilson, Hines Ward, and Antwain Rendle El all had big games receiving. It was Hines Ward who made the play of the game early on. On the Steelers first possession they faced a third down and three from their own 44 when Roethlisberger tried to fire a quick pass to Ward for the first down. Bronco's star corner back Champ Baily jumped the route and nearly intercepted the pass if not for a brilliant job of breaking it up by Hines Ward. Ward not only tipped the pass away from Baily, but he also managed to catch the pass he batted forward and pick up a steeler's first down. This seemingly insignificant play actually changed the entire game for both teams, if Baily picks off that pass he scores easily and Denver leads 7-0, instead Ward plays defensive back, gains the first down and helps Pittsburgh take a 3-0 lead on their first possession. On the Bronco's insuing possession Jake Plumber is sacked by Casey Hampton and fumbles the ball giving it back to the steelers at the Denver 39. four plays later Cedric wilson hauls in a 12 yard touchdown pass to give the Steelers a 10-0 lead. Pittsurgh lead 17-3 late in the second quarter when Jake Plumber put the final nail in his own coffin. With only 1:55 left in the half Plumber was picked off at his own 38 yard yard line, and five plays later the Steelers heart and soul made Denver pay. Down to the last fifteen ticks in the second quarter Pittsburghs leader, Hines Ward, runs an exceptional route and hauls in a 17 yard TD to put his team ahead 24-3. Denver fought back in the second half, but they were never really in it. Plumber, who was under intense pressure, tried to do too much. Plumber's effort was noble, and at times his escpaes and attempts were almost superhuman, but in the end a one man gang is no match for a team that stand together as one like Bill Cowher's Steelers.
The only thing Pitt has to worry about is it's pass rush. We know they can stop the run, but they will have to get more pressure with four than they usually do, otherwise Hasselbeck will pick them apart. If the steelers use heavy blitzes in the big show, the Hawks offensive line will give the very intelligent Matt Hasselbeck enough time to find the right receiver. The Steelers wont have to worry about it's powerful running game, although the Seahawks defensive line is good at rushing the passer they can be bullied in a power style running game, which should take a lot of pressure off of the recently battle tested Roethilisberger.

Seahawks Dominate

Wow! The Seahawks routed the Panthers 34-14 in a more than imressive win in Sundays NFC title game. If you read my preview you know that the Hawks running game, and Shaun Alexander was going to be a major factor. Alexander ran for 132 yards and two touchdowns, while the Panthers running game faltered terribly gaining only 36 yards. Carolina lost Nick goings early in the ball game with a concussion, but it was the loss of Deshaun Foster a week ago that really led to Carolina's undoing. Without those first down outlet passes to Foster out the backfield, the Panthers found themselves in second and third and long which allowed Seattle to keep Steve Smith in front of them, without worrying about a quick hitter netting an easy firt down. The stingy Seattle D netted three interceptions and two sacks, and really only allowed one score (punt return). Matt Hasselbeck was impressive again, but not as mpressive as his offensive line. The way Seattle is run and pass blocking life is easy for the skill positions. Shaun Alexander frequently doesn't even get touched until he's reached the second level, and that is against an excellent Panthers defense. Hasselbeck did a great job of finding open receivers, and using a number of different targets to keep Carolina off balance. Hasselbeck completed passes to: Darell Jackson, Jeremy Stevens, Bobby Engram, Seneca Wallace, Joe Jurevicious, Mack Strong, and Shaun Alexander. The only thing Seattle should worry aboiut is the health of WR Bobby Engram, who has been Mr. third down all year, but has recently suffered from a back injury. The Hawks will need Engrams tough catches against the Steelers, where yardage will be a premium, and Hasselbeck will have limited time in the pocket.

Good lord, give that bartender a medal

(left) My apolgies sir, that was insensitive of me.


Believe it or not a gentlemen came to the restaurant the other night paid for his meals to go, but stormed out when the bar-keep was too busy to go to the "help yourself" salad bar and make up his salads for him. I wish I was making this up, but it's the sad, sad, truth. Despit my funny picture and caption, this wasn't a decrepit old man, or a man in a wheelchair, and it wasn't the one armed man. The man had two fully functioning arms, two functioning legs, and one poorly functioning brain.
I should also point out that if every customer decided that the restaurant staff are more indentured servants that workers, the entire point of the sald bar would be eliminated. I should think salads being made by servers need not be displayed in the middle of the dining room, hunched below a sneeze gaurd. Get a grip people, not using salad tongues doen't make you special, it makes you "special."

Heres some other phrases I shouldn't ever have to listen to: "can I..." Stop right there, if it was an option I would have mentioned it. If you need split peas that bad grandma I suggest you take it to the Cracker barrel.

"can you..." Stop! Can you pick something from a fifty item menu. I really feel like fighting with cooks for the rest of the night, so you can create some dish you wont even like becasue....surprise, we don't normally make anthing like it.

Why people hate working in restaurants.

Heres another funny story about working in restaurants. One night I was serving these two old ladies which is bad news right off of the bat, anyone who has been in the restaurnt business long enough hates old people with a passion. These two misrable old crones surprisingly want dinners that cost more five dollars, most customers over the age of fifty wont spend too much otherwise it will infringe upon their instant lottery budget. They order two New York strip steaks and and specifically ask that they be cooked "well, well, well." After sampling their briquettes they complained that the meat was not tender or juicy. Let me explain something to all of the brain dead people out there that like to eat out. A steak has two sources of moisture, blood and fat. If you have no taste buds and request a steak be cooked well those sources will be exhausted. If the fat is cooked untill it shrivels and dries out, and all the blood is cooked out, then there will be no juices left. It's really not complicated, but it never ceases to amaze me when you try to explain things to retarded people with that blank befuddled look on their faces. Theres no feeling like have stupid people talk to you like your the idiot.
Heres the ultimate solution: If you have such poor tastes that like your meat cooked to an oblivion, order a hamburger, your throwing your money away on good steaks.

NFL Coaching Carousel. Jets, Vikings Fall into same old traps

After the Minnesota Vikings parted ways with Mike Tice, they hired former Eagles offensive coordinator Brad Childress. Of course Childres didn't call the plays Any Reid did, and that offense was absurdly exposed after the departure of Terell Owens. I'm not sure if going from one coach who can't teach the basics (Tice) to one who refuses to run the football (Childress) is a great idea.
I'll give the Jets all kinds of credit for managing to pull a rabbit out of a hat and trick the Chiefs into parting with a draft pick for Herman Munster. The Jets replaced Herm with Bill Belichick disciple Eric Mangini. I think the Jets missed the boat on the Patriots assistants run, that happened a couple years ago when all the good ones got jobs. When I say all the good ones, what I mean is all the assistant coachs who had won championships, and that the general public had actually heard of.
The Green Bay Packers made the best hire with Mike McCarthy, former San Francsico offensive coordinator, who did a pretty fair job given the mess he was in with the 49er's. McCarthy also has a prior relationship with Brett Favre which goes a long way.
The New Orleans Saints hired Sean Payton to be their new head coach, Payton served under Bill Parcells in Dallas as quarterback coach. I'm not sure if this is good or bad, but if the "big tuna" thought highly of him he can't be all bad.
There are still five head coaching vacancies: Bills, Lions, Texans, Raiders, and Rams. One of them will not be Norv Turner, former Raiders coach, he accepted the offensive coordinators job recently vacated by Mike McCarthy. Of all of these moves I still find the Childress hire the most perplexing. The Vikings have suffered from a pourus defense that couldn't hold water for over a decade, and they keep hiring and singing offensive components. The latest brilliant move in head coach Brad Childress who's Eagles offense was criticized all season long. Minnesota doesn't have an offensive problem, and those high flying passing games don't win championships anyway. Did anyone watch the Colts playoff game?

Funny things people do to make themselves feel better

(left) You think this fat pig would be magically transfomed into James Bond if he poured that vat of beer into nice stemware?


I bartend and wait-tables while I'm going to school, which gives me unique insight into just how rude, annoying, and stupid people really are. One guy that always makes me laugh is a big fat slob of an ugly man, not easy on the eyes in other words. This joker always gets a Coors Light and insists that he be given a white wine glass to pour it into instead of a mug or regular glass. NEWS-FLASH: "This just in from planet earth...wait...yes." Ladies and gentlemen it seems that drinking the cheapest most disgusting beer on the planet out of a stemmed glass doesn't make you classy. Thats right, take a moment to let it soak in, I know this is shocking. Drinking cheap gross beer from a wine glass does not give you better taste buds, nor does it make you Frasier Crane! I suppose I should be grateful this jerk-off graduated from water with lemon.

Have any funny restaurant stories? I'd love to hear them, nothing brings out the worst in people like eating out. Pretty funny, but I'll never understand how people can get so upset about a meal, how do they deal with real tragedy?

Speaking of funny things, go to the great movie blog link and read the post entitled "screen actors Guild" it's absolutely hilarious.

Don't care for my lengthy insights? Alright then, heres the short version of my top 50 all time video games

50)Duck Hunt
49)Fight Night: Round 2
48)Shadowman
47)Bonjo-Kazooie
46)Maximo
45)The Lion King
44)Call of Duty
43)Sewer Shark
42)Spider-Man: The movie
41)Altered Beast
40)Indiana Jones and the Emperor's Tomb
39)Smurfs
38)Lakers versus Celtics and the NBA playoffs
37)Ninja Gaiden
36)Destroy all Humans
35)Strider
34)Buffy the Vampire Slayer
33)Super Mario Brothers
32)NHL Breakaway 98
31)The Suffering
30)Medevil
29)Virtual Fighter
28)Max Payne
27)Splinter Cell: Chaos Theory
26)Bram Stoker's Dracula
25)Ecco the Dolphin
24)Fairy Tale
23)Nights into Dreams
22)Castlevania
21)Contra
20)Panzer Dragon
19)Castle of Illusion: Starring Mickey Mouse
18)Everything or Nothing: 007
17)Operation Desert Strike
16)Buck Rogers: Countdown to doomsday
15)Grand Theft Auto
14)Lunar: The Silver Star Story
13)Metroid
12)The Immortal
11)Mike Tyson's Puch-out
10)ESPN 2K5
9)Metal Gear Solid
8)The Legend of Zelda: The Ocrina of Time
7)The Prince of Persia: Warrior Within
6)Ghots N' Goblins
5)PSI ops: The Mindgate Conspiracy
4)Resident Evil
3)GoldenEye
2)Halo
1)Doom 3

The 50 greatest video games of ALL-TIME!!

Let me first tell you how this list was organized. Any long list of "greatest" is difficult to compose. It was hard just to decide where to begin selecting from, but think I have come to a conclusion that will satisy everyone from the casual gamer, to the extreme nerd. The top five selections are based soley on entertainment value, the games that absolutely couldn't be left alone untill they were finished. After pick 5 other considerations were made, especially games that I feel changed home video games forever. Games that either innovated a genre or represented a new plateau in graphics or sound.
I shouold point out a couple of personnel preferances that surely have affected this list, and could leave a good amount of the hard core gaming community with a sour taste in their mouths. Fist of all I have absolutely no interest in multi-player value, I don't think it is fair to make disparaging remarks about a games multi-player ability when it is clearly an engine built for story line play. I read far too many negative reviews about games because of multi-player stuff when many of these games are clearly not built with it in mind. There are plenty of good games out there made for 3-4 players, so if its that important to you go get one of those. Second: I am not a huge fan of racing games, I have played them and enjoyed them, but they have never been one of those that I couldn't wait to play. Third: I tend to forgive minor gliches if the game is fun enough. If I couldn't stop playing and I finished it, it's worthy of consideration regardless of load times ect. I have almost never played a game on multiple platforms. I am not one of these people who wishes to see what a good game looks like on different systems. I never do gaming on th pc so I can't compare there either. Fourth: Originality counts huge with me. I love to see a game that is different in some way, or lets you do things or play as characters you never have before. Thats how I think, but I still look forward to input so please feel free to gimmie some feedback. All that said, lets get to it!!

50) Duck Hunt: Amoung Nintendo's first endeavors. Duck Hunt to this day is still the only well functioning light-gun game.
49)Fight Night round 2: It was a long, long, long, long, long time before another good Boxing game came out for any system at any time, but EA finally delivered the knock out with fight night 2. Amazing boxing strategy, superb graphics and very cool cut and swelling stuff in the corner.
48)Shadowman: I know this one is going to be controversial and I have heard all the negative stuff about this game on some of it's platforms. I had Shadowman for the N-64 and I thought it was one of the most original, cool and good looking games of it's day. It was fun and original (Yes, I know it was comic book).
47)Banjo-Kazooie: Another N-64 hit. Banjo was visually stunning at the time, and it was fun. Immersing you in a fantastic cartoon world of wonder.
46)Maximo: I played this Capcom triumph for the PS2. At a time when the gaming community was obscessed with three dimensional graphics and pushing the limits of control Maximo provided us with a well needed old-fashioned action/adventure format that was obcessed with only one thing...Fun. Memorable amusement to this day.
45)The Lion King: A Disney hit that really flexed Sega's graphic musscles of the time. While everyone else was trying to be as realistic as possible, the Lion King showed us that bright, colorful, cartoon environments could be just as captivating as realism.
44)Call of Duty: I played this for the X-box, and I had been jonesing for a good war game, and something that wasn't totally obsessed with squad based combat, which was the trend of the time. Call of Duty provided the most entertaining action style war game I had ever plyed, but it also was the best and most realistsic triubte to WWII of all time. The first stage in Russia, under that hail of gun-fire was worth the purchase. The sights and sounds couldn't have been more realistic. I know there were glitches and more save points would have been nice, but I also know I obsessively played Call of Duty to completeion with a huge goofy smile.
43)Sewer Shark: "Holy cow, ther are real actors on my video game!" The sega CD implemented video for the first time and changed the face of games.
42) Spider-Man: Activision's Spider-Man the movie delivered the super-hero experiance we had all been yearning for. Super-strength, wall crawling, web swinning, and the whole she-bang. Sorry Web-heads every web slinger game since has had my spider sense telling me "look out, crap!"
41)Altered Beast: The reason we all had to have a Sega Genesis system, it was coolest thing we had seen.
40)Indiana Jones and the Emperor's Tomb: I can feel the heat coming at me for this one, but I don't care. This is another game that over came it's problems with undeniable entertainment. This was the greatest Indiana Jones experiance, with brilliant cinematic sound effects and music Indiana Jones delivered adventure in a big way. The character animations were also astounding, Indy moved and fought in that exaggerated movie fashion that came as close to replicating a movie character as you can come.
39)Smurfs: For many of us this was this first home video game we ever saw, and boy did we think it was cool. The game that launched Colecovision, and for me started gaming for the very first time. Smurfs deserves it's due, my hats off to you Gargamel.
38)Laker versus Celtics and the NBA Playoffs: I am not, and never have been a basketb all fan, but I sure enjoyed this EA title. Ican't tell you how many epic after school battles this game provided me and my friends. This is when sports games really took-off for the first time.
37)Ninja Gaiden: Tecmo released this instant classic for X-Box in 2004, and I have never been so pleasantly suprised at a game. Gaiden's nija experiance provides the coolest sword and num-chuck fighting of all time. Along with a teriffic story, and gorgeous environments Gaiden delivers a four ninja star performance.
36)Destroy all Humans: THQ published this game and there were many people who put it in the mediocre category. I played this title for X-Box and it was positively one of the most amusing games I have ever played. Great graphics, lots of good humor poking at that fifties world, and best of all a totally original idea for a game.
35)Strider: Strider was ahead of it's time for Nintendo, and this title along with a few others in quick succession solidified Capcom as the best game developer of the time, they aren't too shabby in modern times either.
34)Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Amoung the first X-Box titles, Buffy was the best fighting/action game I had played at the time. The hand to hand combat was relentlessly entertaining, acompanied with a very interactive and weapons rich environment Buffy is non stop fun. There's nothing like kicking a vampires tail, breaking a chair a part and staking the undead freaks.
33)Super-Mario Brothers: It's hard to pay tribute to a character who has now been presented at nausea, but he deserves his due. We all played it in the arcade and couldn't wait to have a crack at it on our first Nintendo.
32)NHL Breakaway 98: I played this title for the Nintendo 64 and it is still the most realistic Hockey game of all-time. There was no one clear-cut move that gauranteed to turn the red lamp on. Good passing, timing, and gritty board play had to be mastered for success in this title. Breakaway also had excellant franchise play with farm league players to be cared for and brought up to your parent club when ready or when injury occurred.
31) The Suffering: Midway's The Suffering may have gotten mediocre scores, but for me it was an experiance almost more than it was a game. Creepy and cinematic, with wonderful sights and sounds, Suffering set a mood that was remarkably engrossing. The cut scene where your character learns the truth of his ability, and is tormented by thought of having murdered his family was brilliant. I can still hear that creepy old projector running.
30) Medevil: This playStation title was another welcome change from run of the mill gaming. Fun action adventur, with a humerous tone and a terrific colorful world.
29) Virtual Fighter: "What's a polygon?" Virtual fighter on the Sega Saturn changed graphics forever, it was a major leap forward.
28) Max Payne: I played this title on the ps2 and what a welcome original game it is. Payne's comic book style story telling was a fitting homage to its creators. Payne's game play was totally revolutionary. Pain-killers, and bullet-time were both unique and satisfying. Game developers are still trying to top Payne's sniper rifle boards. This game also helped launch Rockstar games as a major player.
27) Splinter Cell Chaos Theory: The game that made snaeking around in scilence intensely fun. Each time a Splinter Cell game is released you can bet it's the best graphics you have ever seen. Amazing sights, combined with awsome voice work by good actors and in depth story telling only Tom Clancy can provide, make this series one of the best of all time.
26) Bram Stoker's Dracula: Sony Imagesoft presented this Sega CD title in 1994 and we saw live footage from a movie streamed into a pretty fun game. Dracula looked amazing for it's time, it was also a joy to play.
25) Ecco the Dolphin: Another Sega CD title released in 1993. Ecco looked absolutely amazing, with lush beauitful underwater environments and sounds. It was a very uniuqe type of character to play with, and it was.....a real splash.
24) Fairy Tale: EA's Fairy Tale for Sega Genesis was the first time I truly fell in love with a role playing game. It was also very long, which made you wonder about short games of the time.
23) Nights into Dreams: Realeased for the Sega Saturn in 1996, this game would change things forever. The first time we were introduced to the analog stick, how can we not pay homage to this title.
22) Castlevania: A true classic amoung classics! Battleing classic creatures like FranKenstein with your trusty whip, and other great weapons, Catlevania was amoung the first great games. This Nintendo game also was the first time a backround actually affected gameplay, having to duck under low hanging parts of caverns and such.
21) Contra: Who will ever forget the addictive action game that couldn't be conquered without 100 lives.
20) Panzer Dragon: Quite simply the most stunning graphics I had seen at the time, Panzer Dragon took my breath away and was the most fast paced and fun game of it's day.
19) Castle of Illusions starring Mickey Mouse: A capcom game, no great suprise, for the Sega Genesis. Castle of Illusions was stunning, with vivd colors and wonderful character movements. Mickey Mouse jumped, ducked, threw, ran, and laughed in teriffic cartoon fashion with wonderful control. This was the first time we saw characters perform short animations when left alone for a few moments.
18) Everything or Nothing: I played EA's James Bond title for the X-Box and I am still blown away by it. Redefining cinematic, 007 never looked so good. A perfect replica of Pierce Brosnan at your finger-tips with plenty of gadgets and awsome cars at your disposal. Complete with a mini adventure tutorial, and an opening Bond song, Everything or Nothing feels like your in a James Bond movie.....someone get me a martini, you know how I want it.
17) Operation Desert Strike: We all remember this series of games, with that mini helicoptor. Ridiculous fun blowing up enemy baes, and using the winch to rescue survivors, Desert Strike make flying games fun again.
16) Buck Rogers Countdown to Dooms day: Long before Knight of the old republic Buck Rogers delivered a dynamite futuristic role playing experiance on the Genesis. Light on graphics, but high on fun.
15) Grand Theft Auto: I actually didn't play this title until it appeared on the X-Box, but I sure did regret that. Beyond pushing the envelope to the limit and beyond, GTA delivered the most innovative driving experience of all time. Tons of vehicles that all performed differently, and had unique auto handling. This fast paced and exciting game did more than just shock, how many times did you get a kick out of the way your car dented in different ways?
14) Lunar the Silver Star Story: This Sega Saturn game is still the best role playing game I have ever played. With it's cool Japaneese animations, and long rewarding story, Lunar was as exciting as it was beauitful.
13) Metroid: I think everyone remembers Metroid. Unique, bold and mysterious. You didn't know who, or what you were, but you knew you liked it.
12) The Immortal: EA's The Immortal for Sega Genesis, was one of those games that chaged gaming. The first true attempt at graphic action of its time, Immortal tried to be greusome and succeeded. A wizard popping enemy head with his magic staff, and battling through wonderfully dank and dreary caverns.
11) Mike Tyson's Puch-out: That semi-first person boxing game, that took gamers by storm. To this day people talk about how to stop Soda Popinski, or Glass Joe and that ever annoying Piston Honda.
10) ESPN 2K5: The single greatest and most realistic football game that has ever been made!! I have played all of the Maddens and none of them even come close to the realism and graphics of 2K5. Madden's non stop big plays, and sacks may be fun for some, but its nothing like NFL football.
9) Metal Gear Solid: What can I say accept wow! Metal Gear Solid was the first time espianoge met action and it worked. The best game of it's time, and the first old-game remake that didn't disappoint.
8) The Legend of Zelda The Ocrina of Time: An N-64 masterpiece. The perfect revisiting of one of our favorite game characters. Little Zelda has come a long way, and he still knows how to entertain us.
7) The Prince of Persia The Warrior Within: I didn't think they could top the sand of time but they did. Warrior Within for X-Box is one of the most non-stop entertaining games of all time. Combining mutiple elements like action, puzzles, acrobats, and fighting into one terific package. The fighting mechanism is amazing and the most controlable I have ever played. Learning how to fight multiple enemies at once, and know what your doing! Not just button mashin, but great fighting tactics. Two swords at once, throwing weapons, kicking, swining around poles, throwing foes, and leaping behind them for tactical advantage.
6) Ghosts N' Goblins: Capcom classic hero fight has yet to be duplicated, although Maximo hints at it. Positively the most fun game of it's time.
5) PSI OPS The Mindgate Conspiracy: Suprisingly this wasn't a popular title, but I found it to be amoung the best gaming experiances of my life. Using your psychic abilities to throw enemys and gas tanks, performing a brain drain, or just plain setting someone on fire, PSI ops is one of those games you wish was infinately longer when you finish it and it's not short.
4) Resident Evil: The first time you ever heard someone say "survial horror" This tense nail biting classic from Capcom had companies trying to copy it for years now, but no onw can replicate it. The super creepy zombies, the above average puzzles, and the intense action made this one of the greatest games of all time.
3) GoldenEye: This 1997 N-64 exclusive brought a whole generation back to games. The most effective translation from film to game to this day, GoldenEye followed the story and added to it with the precision of a brain surgeon. Mind blowing graphics, and that great 007 music set the tone for the single most addictive gaming experience in history.
2) Halo: The reason we bought an X-Box, and it was well worth it. First person shooter re-defined with brave, creative worlds and creatures, Halo is truly a king amoung games. Very cinematic, with that great Halo music cranking up just as your about to finish a level and strike down the Covenant.
1) Doom 3: This recent game absolutly gripped me. More than a game, Doom is fun to watch someone else play. Setting an absurdly creepy and spooky environment, Doom's dark but gorgeous environment will have you sleeping with a night light on. I have never before played a video game that did such an amazing job of setting the mood, tha I actually felt tense guiding my character down scary corridors with flickering lights, and ominous sounds when you turned the next corner you had a death grip on that paddle. Staying true to it's lineage Doom 3 is just modern enough while still delivering what fans of series desire. From cahin-saws to shot-guns the game gets better and better with each step. Doom 3 is brought to 2005 with absolute brilliance, and care. The people at iD struck gold with Doom 3 making it the greatest video game of all time. The sights and sounds of Doom 3 can't be done justice in description, if you haven't played it, do so.

Funny caption of the week

Despite what Hollywood thinks, a cigarette is the only thing I care to see in a Cowboys mouth.

Abbreviated top 20 T.V episodes of all time

Too fat and lazy to read the long version? Alright, I'll shorten it up for you. Below is the short list of my top 20 episodes in the history of television.






1)NYPD Blue: "Twilights Last Gleaming"
2)ER: "Into that Goodnight"
3)NYPD Blue: "Hearts and Souls"
4)Frasier: "Boo!"
5)Mash: "Abyssinia Henry"
6)CSI: "Grave Danger"
7)ER: "Loves Labor Lost"
8)3rd Watch: "No More Forever"
9)All in the Family: "Ediths Fifteenth Birthday"
10)Mash: "Follies of the Living Concerns of the Dead"
11)Cheers: "One for the Road"
12)Miami Vice: "Brother's Keeper"
13)CSI: "Gum Drops"
14)Seinfeld: "Soup Nazi"
15)Star Trek: "Arena"
16)NCIS: "Twilight"
17)Wings: "Blackout Buggins"
18)Honeymooners: "A matter of record"
19)Coach: "Vows"
20)Survivor: "Johnny Fairplay"

The 20 Greatest Episodes in the History of Television!

The nuber one selection for greaest episode in T.V history is no great suprise. NYPD Blue is the show that redefined what television could achieve. NYPD Blue was the first television show to truly push the boundaries of T.V and deliver drama in a cinematic way that could rival big budget movies of the time. The show born of David Milch and Steven Bochco literall cahnged what heights T.V shows could reach.

1) NYPD Blue: "Taillights Last Gleaming" In this heart wrenching episode Det Andy Sipowicz, played by Dennis Franz, keeps having dream like experiences in which he sees his recently murdered son. Andy Jr., Michael DeLuise, appears to Andy in the bar where he was murdered. When andy realizes where he and the ghost of his son are, his expression and demeanor is priceless. Eventually in the "dream" Andy spots the men who murdered his son, and despite Andy Jr. urging him not to, Andy attacks the men and pummels one of them. When Sipowicz turns having finished puching the killer Andy Jr. has been shot and killed anyway. Andy's choice to seek revenge costs him a few extra moments with his son. One humorous moment worth noting is when Jesus apears in one of Andy's visions, Andy gets into an argument with the almighty him to which Andy Jr. says: "Congratulations on pissing off Jesus christ."
This is by far the most touching and brtilliantly done moment in the history of television, NYPD Blue continued it's excellence until it left T.V after twelve seasons. I should note that the show was better when the P.A was a hot blonde instead of gay John.

2) ER: "Into that Goodnight" This was the fifth episode in the maiden season of E.R. A business contractor comes into the emergency room in desperate need of a heart transplant but despite efforts by Dr. Green, played by anthony Edwards, the business man is slowly running out of time and chances. As it becomes more and more apparent that a heart donor will not be located in time Alan Rosenberg, played by Sam Gasner, does everything he can to gather his family and say goodbye. The interaction in this show between Dr. Green, and his more than deserving patient, Alan Rosenberg was superbly touching. Although the situation seems hopeless right from the out-set Gasner's performance has us hoping against hope that a miracle could occur.
I should mention that despite the fact that E.R. appears twice on my top 20, it is also the only show on this list that I do not consider to have been a great show. Although the first few seasons of E.R were outstanding, that early medical suspense quickly disappeared. After just three seasons the show degenerated into a prime-time soap opera that is currently completely un viewable.

3) NYPD Blue: "Hearts and Souls" This selection is not only a tribute to this excellent episode, but also to the skillfull series of shows that led up to the death of Bobby Simone. Bobby's heart condition was gripping from the start and had us on the edge of our seats every time we thought he might be getting a little bit better. Simone, played by Jimmy Smits, had the most interesting abstract dreams about his pigeons. One of the best moments of the shows was when Andy discovers a prisoner trying to hang himself, Andy pauses momentarily in the hopes that if this SKELL dies Bobby could possibly use his heart.
Another reason to list this episode was the fact that is it the first time I can remeber that television audiences care so deeply about two characters that are anti-hero's. Long before in was the trendy thing to do Simone and Sipowicz defined the good guy types who walk the line between black and white.

4) Frasier: "Boo!" The smartest show on television was an understatement. In this episode Frasier, tired of his fathers childish pranks, decides to seek revenge. Frasier pretends to leave his apartment by jingling his keys and slamming the front door, meanwhile he slips on the most hideous of clown costumes, make-up and all, and hides in the bathroom with a butchers knife to leap out at his dad. He manages to scare his father into a heart attack and the show quickly turns from hilarious to touching and back seamlessly, making this one of the most memorable episods of all time.
Frasier was smart, sophisticated, funny, and heart felt. Unlike many of todays shows Frasier never talked down to audience but gave us enough credit to find humor in subtle jokes, or to even find the punch-line from context. What truly made this series one of the greatest of all time was it's ability to be down right hilarious and still have a hell of a lot of heart.

5) MASH: "Abyssinia Henry" One of America's favorite characters dies unexpectedly. Lieutenant Colonel Henry Blake, played by McLean Stevenson, finally gets sent state-side after many years in the war, as life goes on in 4077th the rest of our beloved characters perform surgery when an announcement over the loudspeaker from Radar. Radar announces that Blake's helicoptor has crashed and there were no survivors. The morbid reactions from Henrys friends are priceless and for good reason. The characters in surgery were unaware that the announcement would take place and that Blakes character would die, and in effect a very genuine moment was captured and remains one of the better moments in television.

6) C.S.I: "Grave Danger" This season finale directed by Quentin Tarantino, who I have not been a fan of in the past, presents a pulse-pounding exercise in edge of your seat T.V. Nick Stokes, played by George Eads, is captured and buried alive. The perpetrators seemingly have no demands, and as such the CSI team has virtually no means by which to ever find Nick's location. Stokes physical, and mental challenges are engrossing and this show truly showcases his acting ability. After being baked near to death and eaten by fire ants, Nick comes close to taking his own life. Fortunately for Stokes every member of the C.S.I team puts a different piece of the puzzle together to locate and rescue they're beloved co-worker.
Not only was "Grave Danger" one of the most exciting episodes in televisions history, but C.S.I is one of the most entertaing shows in history. This show, at the time, was one of the most original programs in years and it beats out all of it's spin-offs because of it's superior cast. Williams Peterson, Marg Halgenberger, Gary Dourdin and others all deliver good and reliable performances. The Miami and New York spin-offs both feature horrific supporting casts complete with ridiculously fake New York accents, or David Caruso dramatically removing his sun glasses 25 times an episode.

7) ER: "Loves Labor Lost" Dr. Green misdiagnosis a pregnant woman who then has medical complications. Dr. Green frantically tries to sucessfully deliver the womans baby, and save the mothers life.
Very exciting episode, when E.R still dealt with medical emergency and not just alcoholism and gay issues.

8) Third Watch: "No more Forever" This is another excellent episode that was selected not only for the sixty minutes but for the patient job the show did building up to this moment. Since the very first episode of Third Watch the character of Doc Parker, played by Michael Beach, has had a slowly deteriorating mental state. Doc's long overdue mental break finally occurs when he holds the firehouse hostage. Captain Steeper has threatened to close the "house" and Doc believes that not having the house open will cause an increase in response time to emergency's and cost people thier lives. Doc shoots Captain Steeper, and won't let anyone near him for the fifteen minutes he believes it would take for a response team. Eventually Doc's colleagues ignore his threats and go to the aid of Steeper, and Doc deals with his post traumatic stress disorder brought on by 9/11. There is also some nice moments in this show with cops skip Suddith and Coby Bell, both of whom know Doc and have a hard time thinking about the possibility of having to take tactical action against their friend.

9) All In The Family: "Edith's fifteenth Birthday" All In The Family is the show that defined a generation and helped people openly talk about old issues like racism, homosexuality, and womens rights. The show was non-threatening because points were made through the actions of the main character who was an old world bigot. Archie was a loveable jerk, and made people laugh, and think even if they didn't realize it. In this classic episode Edith is nearly sexually assaulted and it is one of few times the show directly confronts an issue, and they do it with care and heart. As with all classic comedies, what makes them great is the ability to change gears and touch us. Good touch that is, not bad touch.

10) MASH: "Follies of the living, concerns of the dead" This episode was ahead of its time. Finding unique ways to do supernatural things, and take creative liberties in having the character of Klinger, played by Jamie Farr, develop a severe fever which enables him to communicate with the spirit of a recently deceased soldier. This episode was wonderfully haunting, as the sad spirit wanders around with the most unlikely of tour guides.

11) Cheers: "One For The Road" This was the series finale of one the most celebrated comedies of all time. Diane Chambers returns, but once again her romance with Sam "may-day" Malone is ill-fated when Sam realizes he's got more positive things in his life than he does voids. All the while the regular gang of Cliff, Norm, Carla, and Rebecca exchange hilarious one liners and finish the series as it started...funny. Near the very end of the episode Sam, played by Ted Danson, makes a nice gesture by adjusting a picture that has ties to coach, the late Nicholas Colasanto.

12) Miami Vice: "Bother's Keeper" This was the piolit episode in what would become a pioneer in action T.V. Bothers keeper introduces us to det. James "Sonny" Crockett, played by Don Johnson, and Ricardo Tubbs, played by Philip Michael Thomas. The two detectives team up to solve several murders tied to a columbian drug lord.
Miami Vice was hip, stylish, funny and exciting. As undercover cops the show had every excuse to drape the stars in the hottest most expenisve fashions and cars available. This was also one of the first series to recognize that action televisoion characters could be complex and possess both humerous and intense traits at the same time.

13) C.S.I: "Gum Drops" Aired shortly after my number 6 selection for all time best episode " Grave Danger" Nick Stokes is the star again, as three pools of blood are found in a homethat belongs to a family of four. Nick believes that that the little girl of the family may still be alive somewhere and stops at nothing until he disovers her body. The show does an excellent job of making the audience think that nick is a supreme optimist and the little girl is dead, it is truly surprising when she isn't. The tail end of the show has a very interesting scene where Nick is forced to tell this poor little girl that her family is dead. It's a bittersweet ending that makes this episode realistic and memorable.

14) Seinfeld: "Soup Nazi" Elaine makes an ordering mistake while in line for soup from a chef who has exacting standards for his customers. When she is denied her soup she vows revenge, and strikes pay dirt when she aquires an armoire containg all of the soup Nazi's recipes. In a funny side plot Jerry and his new girl friend are making George sick with their public displays of affection.
Seinfeld was a hilarious sell-out comedy that could make you laugh each and every week, but this episode in particular sticks out in my mind as one of the finest.

15) Star Trek: "Arena" This classic episode of the show that defined science fiction pits Captain Kirk, played by William Shattner, man to man versus the mighty Gorn creature. Kirk is unarmed and must use his wits to assemble a weapon using the planet surfaces natural resources. There are other episodes that could have been selected "City on the edge of forever" comes to mind, but there is something about "Arena" that everyone remebers, even people that didn't like Star Trek.

16)NCIS: "Twilight" This is a show that has us heavily engrossed in it's loveable characters and they're playful banter. In this season finale Kate Todd, played by Sasha Alexander, is killed in shockingly graphic fashion. The Navy team is chasing a group of terrorists in a plot line that would run through several shows.
NCIS, like most great shows, is built on its tremendous cast; Leroy Jethro Gibbs, played by Mark Harmon, and Tony Dinozzo, played by Michael Weatherly amounst others. The extreme chemisrty of the shows characters is one of the main reasons the death of any of them was so gripping and sad. Another reason why I have grown to be so fond of NCIS is because it is FUN. In todays microscope age, shows are so serious and always take place in a laboratory. Navy takes it to the streets once in a while for some old fashioned police style action, we can only hope that the show stays on top before Law and Order and CSI clone themselves into every time slot available.

17)Wings: "Blackout Buggins" Not only was this one of the funniest episodes in T.V history but this was one of the most underappreciated comedies I can remember. In this episode Roy Biggins, played by David Schram, is outraged when he hears a rap version of the national anthem, and vows that he can sing it better. When rivals Joe and Brian Hackett get him a gig to sing before a major league baseball game, roy must put his money wher his mouth is. Biggins only gets a few bars out before his 300 plus pound body comes crashing to ground as he faints. Roy is then continually ridiculed by the local sportcasters.
Wings is another show with a terrific cast featuring Tim Daly (Joe Hackett), and Steven Webber (Brian Hackett).

18)Honeymooners: "A matter of Record" This show is probably the reason we even use the phrase "classic comedy." In this episode Ralph Kramden, played by the immortal Jackie Gleason, is convinced that his mother in law will pick a fight with him even if he never speaks. Ralph sets an egg timer and sits impatiently as Alice's mother tears him to shreads, when the egg timer goes off Ralph hits the roof and lambasts his rival in hilarious comedy that only he could provide.
Honeymooners was well ahead of its time with comedy and showcased the talents of Art Carney, and Audrie Medows in addition to Jackie Gleason.

19)Coach: "Vows" Another excellent comedy that never got the recognition it deserved. The culmination of a long and stormy romance between Christine Armstrong, played by Shelly Fabares, and Hayden Fox, payed by Craig T. Nelson. The ceremony is riddled with problems, but at long last these wonderfully flawed characters are wed.
One of the main reasons Coach was a humerous as it was, were due to the talents of Jerry Van Dyke who played defensive Co-ordinator Luthar Van Dam. Luthar was one of those rare characters that could be way over the top and still make us laugh.

20)Survivor Pearl Island: "Johnny Fairplay" This is the only reality show that made my list, but who could ever forget the antics of Fairplay (John Dalton). Johnny had his best friend appear as his guest on Pearl Island and tell all of his competitors that his grandmother had passed away. With tears in his eyes Johnny wept for his poor grandma, but she hadn't died. The clever ruse won Fairplay the challenge, and was one of the funniest moments in T.V and the best moment in the history of reality T.V.

Thats the list folks, am I missing something? Let me know.

Television for Men and the top shows on the boob tube

At long last the dream first born of the failed sit-com "men behaving badly" has been refined and realized in the most hysterical show to grace your television since Frasier. Two and a half men top my list as the best TV available for guys, as well as anyone else who needs a good laugh from clever writing and an outstanding cast of comics. Like Frasier and other truly funny sit coms, Two and a half men delivers clever witty material without talking down to the audiance. Unlike shows such as Friends Two and a half men gives us enough credit to laugh at things that are subtle without beating us death with obvious puchlines from overly stupid characters such as "Joey" Charlie Sheen and John Cryer are a positively perfect comic duo as contrasting brothers. Their mother, played by Holland Taylor, adds her own unique flavor to a perfect cast. If you haven't seen Two and a half men yet, make time.
The rest of the best T.V
2)My name is Earl: Very, very funny, but has a couple of not so amusing episodes. Writers need to work some over-time.
3)House: A medical drama with enough sarcasm splashed in to make it ok for men. Keep up the good work Fox.
4)The Simpsons: Not much to say, been great fun for a ver long time.
5)CSI: Over the past few years this perfect cast has delivered some of the best episodes in television history. Not since the early years of NYPD Blue has T.V been so cinematic at times. The spin-offs are not as good. CSI Miami does not have a full cast of good actors which greatly holds the show back, and CSI New York has way too many guys trying desperately to fake tough Brooklyn accents.
6)Law and Order: Still very cool, even since the departure of sexy voice girl....Jason Seahorns wife (you know who I mean).
7)Criminal Minds: This show is growing on me in a hurry, nice cast and good story lines. As long as they don't let Mandy Pankin sing I'll keep watching.
8)Monk: Hilarious with above average stories. Tony Shalhoub is absoltely briliant as the "defective detective."
9)Dead Zone: USA does it again, really entertaining programming. Not always the best stories, but neat ideas and a good cast carry the day.
10)Las Vegas: Lots of potential here that is still relatively untapped. Stories tend to be a little over the top, but the acting is very good especially James Cann and there are babes a plenty.

First runner up: Ghost Whisperer. Great idea and lots of potential for great television but we need to see more cool ghost stuff and less of Jenniefer Love Hewitt and her husband whining at eachother or just more of Jennifer love Hewitt from the neck down.