JUST SAY NO!

Ladies and gentlemen I give you the downfall of western civilization, as we know it. I can no longer sit by idly and watch this travesty of humanity, this slap in the face of human decency! Of course, I am speaking about the condom. Rubbers were invented by the devil, and have overtaken our good sense as a supposedly civilized society. I absolutely can’t take any more of these commercials where people are prancing around pretending like condoms are a good idea; can you believe the Gaul of these people? I can’t and I can hold my tongue no longer, rubbers suck. I would ALMOST rather not get laid at all than have to use a freaking prophylactic, and anyone who says otherwise is fibbing his ass off. “I love condoms, there’s nothing like that tight grippe feeling in the groin, that turns your nuts blue and smells for days. I also enjoy taking them off, ripping pubic hair out by the fistful,” –yeah ok, find me someone who says that. The truth is that Rubbers should be outlawed; there are enough good measures of birth control available today that DO NOT completely destroys the entire experience of sex. There is the pill, diaphragm, patch, morning after pill, and the pill. Did I mention the pill ladies?? Enough is enough, it’s ok for chicks sure, it sucks for guys and it’s high time we fought back. We get to know you a little bit, we trust each other, and it’s time to throw out that god-forsaken measure of birth control because otherwise, I’ll be in the bathroom jerking off and trying desperately to actually enjoy an orgasm.

Once in a man’s life he must take a stand against something he believes to be a just and right cause, and my time is now. Join me men, and fight the good fight against crappy, numb, un-enjoyable, painful, non-feeling sex. If you have known your ladies for more than a month, I urge you to take your stand and throw out those latex devils. You’re a grown man, and you will enjoy your sex, if not………well were actually much too horny most of the time to make ultimatums, but we won’t be happy about it.